Thursday, March 18, 2010

Crappy Start to the Workday

So I have about a 10-minute walk to work which is usually very enjoyable, especially on crisp, sunny mornings such as this one. I was most of the way to work when I noticed a considerable amount of birdcrap on the sidewalk. This surprised me a bit because there were no shrubs or low, full trees around. You know the kind; the ones that you park under unwittingly when you go shopping, only to smack yourself in the forehead three hours later as you discover your car has a new paint job called 'blackberry marble.'
So I began pondering why this might be. No fence, no bird feeder, no bushes, no low trees. These things perplex simple minds. I began to be bothered enough to investigate further. As I lifted my eyes heavenward on this glorious morning, an interesting thing occurred. Time seemed to decelerate as if in a matrix-like state. First my eyes focused on the high branches, 50-60 feet up in the air. Still leafless from the winter, branches sparse as they thin toward the top, slightly waving in the morning's light breeze. Then my eyes focused 20 feet lower. Descending toward me was a slightly wavering bit of matter, unrecognized at first. Then the matrix-time process began occurring in my brain. "Move," it said. Then it said, louder and more urgent this time, "move quickly." The brain-nerve-motor connections screamed with indecisiveness as I tried to process everything faster than gravity could act. As motor skills clicked in and cognition finally came upon me, I felt the distinct ping of something smacking me directly in the forehead. Still trying to reconcile this less-than-a-second sequence, I instinctively reached my hand up to my forehead where I felt for (what? what was I feeling for?) what I hoped would be nothing. It was probably one of those spring buds from the tree that had sprung loose as new growth pushed through. So in my head, I was feeling for nothing. But when I brought my hand down, there was a brown and white smear, notifying me that it was not, in fact, a bud that had struck me in the forehead. I looked back up, now for a different reason than before. I looked up to internally curse the masterful pooper with impeccable aim. There he sat...perched as if nothing had happened, though in my heart-I knew he was laughing, sneering really. I had not caught him before in my first quick glance up, but he was now most assuredly there, confirming that the sidewalk art was his doing--the whole reason I had slowed in the first place.

Yep, right in the forehead.


  1. probably shouldn't be laughing so hard...i am SURE it was not funny at the time!!!

  2. Well, my next thought was that I was glad it wasn't in my I can laugh now too.

  3. Is this by any chance the Scott Mooberry who went to Moody Bible? I'm looking for an old friend:) Jeremy F.

  4. Jeremy! Yes, yes it is! I've wondered several times how I might get a hold of you. E-mail me: